There But For The Grace Of God
by believable-pen
Summary: Ianto and Jack are out Weevil hunting when Ianto shoots a child by mistake. How will he live with himself........
1. Chapter 1

But For The Grace Of God

It was 1.45am on a cold, wet morning in Cardiff Bay. It had been raining for almost 5 hours non stop. Definitely not the weather or time of day to be Weevil hunting. But that was exactly what Ianto Jones and Captain Jack Harkness were doing. They had cornered a Weevil across from the Millennium Centre near the Cardiff Bay Train Station, or so they thought.

Ianto was cold, wet and fed up. Jack had been working him tirelessly for the past week, and Ianto was beginning to feel the effects of a 15 hour day. Living at the Hub with Jack didn't make it any easier. He loved Jack, but being there, at the Hub, sometimes with no rest between one hunt and another, was beginning to tell on him.

The shadows were more pronounced in the rain, making it harder to make out shapes.

"Jack, he's long gone. Can't we leave it?" Ianto asked.

"Keep looking," replied Jack, irritated that Ianto would give up so easily.

Shaking his head, Ianto walked into the entrance to the Train Station. A movement off to his left caught his eye. Without thinking, Ianto drew his gun and fired. Jack spun around at the sound of gunfire.

"Ianto!" He ran towards the younger man.

"I'm okay, Jack." Ianto walked towards the prone figure.

Jack stood beside Ianto. Taking the gun from him, he looked down at a child lying in the rain. Blood mingled with water from a fatal head shot.

"What have I done?" said Ianto, tears running down his already wet face.

Jack moved Ianto to one side. "I need to call Gwen." He pushed Ianto away from the body and knelt beside the still form. Rolling it over, Jack came face to face with a child. A boy about 7.

"I should have waited," Ianto said, running a hand through his wet hair. "Should have waited."

Jack got out his phone and dialled Gwen's mobile number. "It's Jack. Listen, we need the SUV out at Cardiff Bay Station."

"Okay Jack. Have you got the Weevil then?"

Jack looked at Ianto. "No. There's a casualty."

"Ianto!"

"No. A child. Ianto accidentally shot and killed a child."

"Oh, Jack."

"Get Tosh to start making a suitable cover story. I'm gonna wait here with Ianto. He's in a bit of a state right now. Bring Owen with you." Jack hung up.

Ianto stood statue still, staring down at the dead child. Jack put his arm around his shoulders and steered him back towards the entrance to the station.

"We need to get you back to the Hub."

"Wh…what about him?"

"I'm sorry, but he's dead, Ianto. We can't help him."

"We can't….leave him here. We have to….do something."

"That's why I called Gwen. She'll be here soon with Owen."

Ianto tried to protest, but Jack gripped his arm, pulling him away.

Just as they were approaching the Bay Craft Centre, Jack saw the black Torchwood SUV coming towards them. Gwen rolled down her window.

"He's just inside the entrance." Jack told her.

"Tosh is workin' on a cover story right now."

Ianto pulled free of Jack and ran down the road towards the Water Tower. He didn't stop there, but carried on down towards the Bay.

"Go after 'im Jack," said Owen. "We'll clear up here."

Jack ran after Ianto, calling his name.

Hurt and confused, Ianto stopped by the entrance to the Information Centre. Jack caught up with him.

"I don't know what to do, Jack. I just killed a child," he began to shake. "I'm a monster."

Jack pulled him into a fierce hug. "It was an accident."

"No! I should have waited. Made sure before I fired." he pulled free and went into the Information Centre.

Jack followed after a few minutes. He didn't want to leave Ianto on his own. Tosh looked at Ianto as he passed her workstation. A few minutes later, Jack passed. She pointed to the autopsy bay. Ianto was stood by one of the glass cabinets, looking at the various bottles of tablets and syringes.

"You don't wanna do this, Ianto."

"How do you know what I want to do. I just killed a child, Jack!"

Jack slowly moved further into the bay.

"Don't!" warned Ianto, opening the cabinet.

He picked up a syringe that he knew was filled with a lethal dose of anaesthetic.

Just then, Owen appeared behind Jack. Jack signalled for him to stop.

"Killing yourself won't bring him back."

Ianto moved the syringe from one hand to the other.

Gwen entered the Hub carrying the child, Owen signalled her to stop.

"Put it down, Yan." Jack called him by the name he kept for when they were alone.

Ianto ran his hand through his damp hair.

Tosh picked up her coffee cup, and, moving closer to Owen. Taking careful aim, she threw the cup at Ianto. Shocked, he dropped the syringe, giving Jack time to grab him before he sank to the floor, holding his head.

"It's okay, Yan. You're okay." Jack signalled for Owen.

Putting Ianto on the table, Owen check out his head. "It's only a scalp wound."

Jack nodded.

"Take 'im down below, Jack." Owen told him, taking a syringe from the cabinet and plunging it into Ianto's upper arm.

"Ouch!"

"And both of you get out of those wet clothes. We'll take care of things here."

Jack nodded, helping Ianto off the table and out towards his office and their bedroom. Guiding Ianto down the ladder, Jack followed. Carefully, he stripped Ianto of his wet clothes before pulling back the covers and putting Ianto to bed. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow, thanks to the drug Owen gave him. Jack brushed back damp hair.

"I'm sorry, Yan," kissing the top of Ianto's head, before getting out of his wet clothes and putting on dry ones.

Back in the autopsy room, Gwen put the boy's body on the table. Tosh had moved to look down into the bay.

"We'll have to wait for a Missing Persons Report," a sad smile touched her lips. "Ianto must really be going through all kinds of hell right now."

"Jack'll take care of 'im," answered Owen, undressing the boy. "If you ladies don't mind, I need to get on 'ere." He didn't look at them.

Tosh and Gwen moved away just as Jack appeared at the stairs leading from his office.

"How's Ianto?" Tosh asked.

"Sleeping."

"And you?" This from Gwen.

Jack shook his head. "He said we should leave it, before he fired. That the Weevil was long gone. I didn't listen."

"You had no way of knowing, Jack."

Owen was listening, and asked. "What was the boy doin' out that time of the night in the rain, Jack?"

"Maybe we'll never know."

"He won't leave it, Jack. Ianto, I mean." Gwen said. "You know he won't."

"Can't you retcon him?" asked Tosh.

Again, Jack shook his head. "Can't do that. He has to work through this. If I retcon you every time something like this happens….." he let the sentence trail off.

Tosh understood.

"Beside," Jack added. "I'd have to retcon us all. Don't want any slip-ups later. He might remember, and we're back to square one."

"He's ready to go down Jack." Owen told him.

"I'll take him."

"Are you sure?"

Jack sighed. He walked down the stairs from his office and continued on to the autopsy bay. Jack stood before the table for a few minutes, looking at the tiny form, before lifting him into his arms. He them took him down to the vast locker area, where bodies were stored in deep freeze.

Placing the tiny body into a locker, Jack bent down and kissed the cold cheek, a tear rolling down his face. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, before closing the locker.

"Jack!" this from Gwen in his ear piece.

"Yeah?"

"Ianto's having a nightmare. He's screaming for you."

"I'll be right up."

Jack patted the locker door before turning and running towards the stairs. Once in the corridor leading up to the main Hub, Jack could hear Ianto screaming his name. He quickly climbed the stairs and entered his office. Descending the ladder, Jack took a quivering Ianto into his arms, stroking his hair and face.

"It's okay. I'm here. It's okay."

But it wasn't. Ianto couldn't stop crying, and tears quickly soaked the front of Jack's shirt.

After ten minutes, Ianto had cried himself to sleep. Jack tried to lie him back down against the pillow, but Ianto hung onto him. Consigned to the fact he was there for the rest of the night, Jack settled onto the bed and waited for morning.

Gwen and Tosh left for home around 3am.

At 7am, Jack finally managed to move Ianto enough to get off the bed and climb the ladder back up to his office. To his surprise, Owen was asleep on the old battered couch. Jack gently shook him.

"What are you still doing here?"

"Just in case either of you needed me."

Jack smiled. "Thanks."

"No worries," he returned the smile, then, sitting up, asked, "How's Ianto?"

"Still sleeping."

"It's best. I can give 'im another shot, keep 'im out longer."

Jack shook his head. "No. He has to face it at sometime."

"What was the kid doin' out there at 2am, Jack?"

"Maybe once the Missing Persons Report is filed, we'll find out. Til then…." Jack shrugged.

"We'll 'ave to keep an eye on Ianto. He's suicidal, Jack."

"I'll make sure someone is with him 24/7 until it's been resolved."

"You know Ianto, Jack. 'olds it all inside."

"I know. I'll talk to him." Jack sighed. "It might not make much difference, but I'll try."

Owen stood up. "I'll go make some coffee. Will instant do?"

Jack nodded. "Right now, I'll settle for boiling water."

Owen smiled, then headed off towards the kitchen, leaving Jack alone. Five minutes later, Owen put a steaming cup of coffee on Jack's desk.

"Thanks."

"Want me to check on Ianto?"

Jack shook his head. "Just did. He's still sleeping."

"Can 'e 'andle it, Jack? Is 'e gonna get through this?"

"We'll be here for him, Owen. He can count on us."

"Goes without sayin'."

Jack tried to smile, but wasn't very successful. "I know."

"What's 'e gonna do, when 'e wakes up, I mean, work wise?"

Jack picked up his coffee cup and drank from it, then looked at the porthole in his office floor. "Haven't a clue." Jack turned to look directly at Owen. "I don't even know if he'll wanna stay with Torchwood, let alone me."

"He loves you, Jack."

"Will it be enough?"

Just then, Ianto appeared on the ladder, dressed in an open shirt and his suit trousers. Jack and Owen watched as he moved across the room barefooted, and out towards the kitchen.

"Mornin'." said Owen.

Ianto ignored him.

Owen raised his eyebrows and looked at Jack.

"Ianto?"

"I need coffee," was all he said.

Jack got up and followed him. "We need to talk."

"No!"

"Ianto?"

"I don't want to talk."

"I think you need too."

"I don't." Ianto carried on making coffee, ignoring Jack completely.

Jack sighed, tilted his head back slightly and closed his eyes. "Ianto."

"We should have stopped when I said so. But no, you wanted to carry on. Jack Harkness wanted to keep going, even though there was nothing to chase."

"I didn't know that, not for sure."

"Well, you do now, don't you? I killed a child last night, because of you. I hope you're happy now."

Jack caught Ianto by the arm and spun him around to face him. "Don't you dare lay this at my door! We are a team!"

"Then the team was shit last night."

Owen was listening and decided to join in.

"Just who the hell do you think you are, anyway? Just cos your bangin' the boss, you think you can get away with anything. You can't. You fired that gun last night. You didn't look properly. You fucked up, no one else."

"Owen, you're not helping."

"Tough." he turned and walked back to the stairs, heading for the autopsy bay. "You don't shit on your friends, Ianto."

Reality hit hard, and Ianto almost collapsed. Jack caught him before he hit the floor.

"Owen!"

Placing Ianto on the battered couch, Owen checked his pulse and heart rate.

"You need to eat something."

Ianto shook his head, a tear slipped from his right eye.

"Ianto, please." coxed Jack.

"I can't. Won't be able to keep it down."

"At least try. I can get you something from Starbucks."

"No, thanks anyway." he turned to Owen. "Sorry."

Owen smiled. "'sokay, mate."

"I…need to go back to my flat, Jack."

"Okay. I'll drive you."

"No! I …need to go on my own."

Jack shook his head. "After last night, I don't think so, Ianto."

"I won't do anything stupid, Jack."

"No, you won't, cos I'll be there."

Ianto was getting annoyed. "Fine. I'll stay here then."

"We're just lookin' out for ya."

"Where is he now? The boy."

"Downstairs," replied Jack.

"Can I see him?"

"Absolutely not."

Just then, the large sliding door rolled back, letting Gwen enter the Hub.

"Mornin'," she said, a smile on her face.

"What are you ginning at?" asked Ianto.

"I'm sorry, Ianto."

"So you should be."

"Ianto! Enough!" declared Jack.

Ianto got off the couch and walked quickly to the stairs leading to the lower levels at Torchwood.

"I'm sorry, Jack." Gwen said.

Jack rubbed her arm. "It's okay. He wanted to see the body."

"Not good," replied Gwen.

"Shouldn't you go after him." Owen said.

"In a minute. Let him cool off a bit."

"Will he do anything foolish?"

"Throw himself down the stairs? Beat himself against a few filing cabinets? No, I shouldn't think so."

"Go in with a Weevil, maybe," said Gwen.

Jack mouthed the word shit and was off after Ianto.

Ianto was stood outside the cell, watching the Weevil. It watched Ianto's every move, snarling at him as he moved closer to the glass. Ianto's hand hovered over the red button that would open the cell if he pushed it.

"Ianto! No!" shouted Jack.

"I can't do it, Jack. I want to, but I can't."

Jack touched his arm, but Ianto pulled away. "I don't blame you, Cariad. It was my fault."

Jack sighed. "It was no ones fault, Yan. It was dark, raining."

"I lost my concentration. Wanted to go back to the warmth of the Hub. It was my fault. You should have called the police."

"And tell them what, Yan? We were out chasing aliens when we shot a child."

"I shot a child."

"Talk to me, Yan."

"Trying to get inside my head, Cariad?"

Jack smiled at the use of the Welsh endearment. "Can I?"

Ianto half smiled.

"Let's go back up to my office. We can talk. Just sit there. You could go back down to the bedroom. Whatever you want."

"I want last night not to have happened." Ianto said, a tortured look on his youthful face.

"I can't make that happen. I'm sorry."

"So am I."


	2. Chapter 2

TBFTGOG Chapter 2

Either Jack or one of the other members of Torchwood, kept an eye on Ianto all morning. The Rift was quiet so no call outs. Ianto suffered in silence, knowing full well that they were watching his every move. Frightened that he might try and take his own life.

Right now, that's what he wanted to do. A life for a life.

Ianto sighed, knowing full well that they were watching him. "If I promise not to try and kill myself, will you stop following me everywhere?"

"No." said Jack.

"It's because we care," said Gwen.

"I appreciate that, but being followed to the toilet isn't on my list of favourite things."

"Not even when it's Jack?" quipped Owen.

"No." Ianto looked apologetically at Jack, "Sorry, Cariad."

Jack pretended to be hurt by Ianto's answer. "Yan."

"Jack. I just want to be left in peace. I'm okay."

"Right. Dark circles under your eyes. You can't eat…. Your fine alright." Owen told him.

Ianto looked at his watch. "Let's go out for something to eat. I'll even spring for it. How's that?"

"You're on," said Owen, collecting his coat.

_**Anything to get out of the Hub **_thought Ianto.

They all piled into Eddies Diner. After ordering, Ianto joined the team at a booth.

"Am I allowed to go to the men's room on my own?"

"Let me check your pockets," joked Owen.

Ianto stiffened, then relaxed at seeing Owen was joking. He shook his head.

"Go," said Jack.

Ianto went straight to the men's room, looking back at Jack as he opened the door. Their eyes met and held for an instant before Ianto went in, closing the door. All to late, Jack realised that Ianto was trying to say something. He was trying to say goodbye.

A shot rang out from the men's room. Jack was on his feet seconds before the awful sound.

"Ianto!"

Pulling open the door, Jack rushed inside. Ianto lay on the floor, blood coming from a head wound.

"Oh, Ianto, no!" he knelt beside his lover. "Gwen, call an ambulance!"

Owen entered the room, kneeling beside Ianto. He put a finger to the pulse in his neck. "He's still alive. Go get me some tissues and ice." he nudged Jack. "Now, Jack!"

Jack did as he was told. Retuning with tissues and a bucket of ice, Jack placed them beside Owen.

"Hold his head to one side, I need to put ice on the wound to stem the flow of blood. Luckily his hand must have been shaking so bad that he's put the gun to his forehead and it came out by his ear. We got a through and through. It won't kill him, but the bleeding will." He pushed the tissues against the ice, pressing firmly. "Where's that ambulance!"

Gwen poked her head round the door. "On it's way."

"No time Jack. We need to get him there now!"

"Gwen, go get the SUV." Jack said.

Gwen went off as fast as she could. Minutes later she returned.

"It's outside. The ambulance is delayed. I cancelled it."

Jack and Owen carried Ianto out to the back of the black SUV, placing him on the back seat. Jack got in beside him, resting Ianto's head on his chest. He could feel Ianto's warm blood soaking into his shirt.

"Well be there in no time," Owen told Jack, slamming the drivers door, and putting his foot down.

Gwen and Tosh were left behind to secure the scene.

PC Andy Davidson appeared five minutes after the SUV left.

"Gwen, we were told there was a gun fired in here."

"Ianto was depressed. He shot himself."

"You're jokin', right?"

Gwen shook her head, a tear rolling down her face. "I wish I was."


	3. Chapter 3

TBFTGOG Chapter 3

Jack carried Ianto into Accident and Emergency, a ported saw him and brought a gurney so that he could lay Ianto on it. The ported wheeled the gurney into a cubical, pulling the curtains around it.

"Stay with me, Ianto," begged Jack, taking Ianto's hand in both of his. "Please, stay with me."

Owen went to find a doctor.

"Gunshot wound to the right temple. Exited behind the right ear. I managed to stem the flow of blood, but he's lots a lot." Owen steered the doctor towards the cubical. "He's 24 years old. Six feet tall. Twelve stone. A Rhesus Negative blood group. Usually in good health."

The doctor turned to Owen.

"'e was 'aving a bad day."

The doctor took the tissues and remain ice from Ianto's wound and examined it. "Nasty, but clean."

A nurse entered the cubical and looked at Jack. The expression on his face told her that he wasn't leaving.

"I'd like an X-ray of his head. Urine sample. Blood work. 6 pints of A Rhesus Negative blood. Book an operating theatre for…" he looked at his watch. "3.30pm."

Jack stepped forward. "Is he going to be alright?"

The doctor shook his head, "Hard to tell. I need to see an X-ray. See what damage the bullet did."

Owen put his hand on Jack's shoulder. "I ought to be getting' back. Gwen and Tosh might need help. I think I saw PC Davidson approaching the Bay."

Jack nodded.

"'e's gonna get through this Jack, you'll see."

"Was it my fault, Owen? The boy?"

"No. It was an accident."

Jack sighed. "And this…" he pointed to Ianto.

The nurse stepped in front of Jack. "We need to run tests. I'd appreciate it, if you waited outside while we did them."

Jack nodded, moving out into the corridor.

"I better go. I'll ring you when I get back to the Hub." Owen rubbed Jack's back and was gone.

Gwen was explaining to PC Andy Davidson that Ianto had had a bad day, and it had all ended terribly. Andy wrote out his notes, asking Gwen several times if Ianto intended to kill himself.

"He was really low, Andy. I don't know what his state of mind was like," she lied. "Jack and Owen are with him."

"So, you were all here having something to eat, were you?"

Gwen nodded. "Ianto had just ordered.

"And he excused himself and went to the men's room?"

"Yes."

"Then you heard a gunshot?"

"Yes."

Andy continued to take notes. "Who got to the men's room first, then?"

"Jack, then Owen. Jack called to me for an ambulance."

"But it didn't arrive?"

"No, it was delayed. I don't know why. Jack and Owen took the SUV."

"Have you heard how Ianto is?"

"No. We're waiting for Owen or Jack to phone." Gwen turned to look at Tosh.

"I'm really sorry about this, Gwen."

Gwen smiled. "Thanks, Andy."

"Can we go now?" asked Tosh.

Andy read through his notes. "I think I have everything. Yes, you can go."

"I'll let you know how Ianto is, when we know. Gwen told him.

"Thanks."

Gwen and Tosh made their way back down to the Tourist Office, making sure that Andy didn't see them go in. It was quiet inside, only Myfanwy's wings made any sound as she flew around.

"Getting straight onto her computer Tosh brought up the hospitals records, hoping to see anything on Ianto Jones. She was unlucky. Nothing had been entered yet.

Ten minutes later, Owen entered the Hub. Gwen was eager for information.

"They have to run tests. See if he's done any damage to himself. The bullet exited behind his ear. Missed the brain, but might have done some damage to 'is hearing.

Tosh sighed.

"Jack's gonna call if there's any news."

"How's he holding up?" asked Gwen.

"What can I say, 'e loves the guy. 's devastated. Blame 'imself for the kid getting shot."

"What are Ianto's chances?"

"'e should pull through, but I can't vouch for his mental state. 'e was desperate, Gwen. They're takin' 'im into surgery at 3.30pm. Might know more after that."


	4. Chapter 4

TBFTGOG Chapter 4

Jack was silent for a few moments, trying to collect his thoughts. Everything was moving in slow motion and he was trying to get his head around Ianto shooting himself. Then he spoke into the phone again. "Go home, Gwen. All of you. Just go home. I'll be back at the Hub as soon as I know how Ianto is after surgery."

"Ring me Jack."

"I will."

"Jack, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't Ianto's either. The boy shouldn't have been out alone that late at night."

"I know, but it doesn't make it any easier."

"We all love him, Jack."

"Has the boy been reported missing yet?"

"No."

Jack didn't say anything else, just hung up the phone. Putting it back into his inside pocket, Jack went to stand by the window. It was beginning to rain again. He pulled his greatcoat around him, suddenly feeling cold and alone. _**What will I do if he does die**_ he thought _**He's the one I've been searching for all these years **_

Jack paced the floor, waiting for Ianto to get back from surgery. He looked like an expectant father, waiting for new of a new born. Two hours later, the bed with Ianto on it, was wheeled back to ICU. Tubes and wires where running in and out of Ianto. The most obvious was the one in his head, just behind his right ear. He had a ventilator tube in his mouth. Wires were attached to his chest and forehead. A monitor on his finger displayed his heart rate. It scared Jack a little seeing Ianto looking even more vulnerable than he had been in the early hours of this morning. He wanted to scoop Ianto up in his arms and protect him. Keep him safe. But it was too late for that now.

Jack approached the doctor. "How is he?"

"The bullet didn't hit anything important. He should make a full recovery. His skull is fractured and we had to put a small plate over the exit wound. We'll know more when he wakes up. Until then, we'll keep a close eye on him."

"Thank you." Jack shook his hand.

The doctor smiled. "He's not out of the woods yet. The drain is to keep fluid off the brain. Make sure there is no swelling."

"Can I sit with him for a while?"

The doctor nodded. "Try not to stay too long. You need rest, too."

Jack smiled. The events of the last 15 hours had left him exhausted. He rubbed a hand across his face and bowed his head.

Walking into Ianto's room, Jack sat on the side of the bed, taking Ianto's hand in his own. He touched his cheek and allowed himself a brief smile. "You always remind me of an angel when you're sleeping. You are so beautiful, Ianto Jones. Have I ever told you that? I have my own angel, right here on earth." Jack sighed. "We're gonna get you through this, you'll see. Everything will be okay. I love you, Cariad."

The various monitors buzzed and beeped. A drip going into Ianto's hand, glistened as it slowly moved from the pouch to the tube. The ventilator made a low hissing sound, as air passed through it, into Ianto's mouth. Jack watched as his heart rate on the monitor, went up and down, from 67 to 74. Watched Ianto's oxygen saturation peek at 97%. His blood pressure was low, but that was expected.

Bending forward, Jack kissed Ianto on the forehead. "You're gonna get through this." Jack repeated. "I'll make sure of that. Just stay with me, please." With that, Jack left the room and headed back to the Hub.

Gwen told Rhys about Ianto, then about the child. She had to tell someone, and knew that Rhys would understand.

"What was a child doin' out at that time in the mornin', that's what I want to know." Rhys asked.

Gwen shook her head. "And no one has reported him missing. Which is odd."

"Have you heard how Ianto is?"

"No. Jack said he's phone if there was any news."

"How's Jack takin' it?"

"Blames himself. Ianto wanted to go back to the Hub this morning. Jack wanted to carry on and catch the Weevil," she shrugged. "He feels awful."

"I expect he does."

"Are you okay with them now? I know you disapproved of Jack and Ianto."

Rhys shrugged. "I just thought Jack was takin' advantage of Ianto. I was wrong. I know that now. Jack really loves him."

"Yes, he does." Gwen smiled.

Jack went straight to his office, took off his greatcoat and opened his top drawer. Inside was an unopened bottle of Scotch. Twisting the top to break the seal, Jack poured himself a stiff drink. He downed it in one, pouring himself another. He leaned back in his chair as tears rolled down his face. He didn't attempt to wipe them away. Opening his drawer again, Jack took out a picture of a smiling Ianto. Jack rubbed his finger over Ianto's face, and smiled.

"Come back to me, Ianto. I need you."

Getting up, Jack made his way to the port hole in his office floor where his bedroom was. He took the bottle of Scotch with him, but left the glass.

Taking off his boots, Jack laid down on the bed, running his hand over the pillow where Ianto laid his head. Jack buried his face in the pillow and cried unashamedly.

The nurse changed the IV pouch and checked Ianto's temperature, before filling in the chart at the bottom of the bed. Ianto's right eye was swollen and blackened.

The nurse sighed as she left the room, glancing back at Ianto.

Owen moved around his flat looking at the phone. _**Should I call Jack? Nah, best not **_he thought. _**He'll call if anything happens to Ianto **_Oewn went into his kitchen and put the kettle on. He smiled. _**I could do with a strong cup of Ianto's coffee right now**_

Toshiko was lying on top of her bed, looking at the ceiling_** Please God, let Ianto make it through all this **_She sighed and rolled over into a ball, closing her eyes to stem the flow of tears.

Gwen and Rhys were sitting on the couch. Rhys had his arms around Gwen, comforting her.

"He won't stay, you know," began Gwen. "If anything happens to Ianto, Jack will leave."

Rhys kissed the top of her head. "Nothing is going to happen, you'll see."

Gwen turned her head so she was looking into Rhys' eyes. "I hope so, for Jack's sake."

Jack sat up, wiped his face on the back of his hand and opened the Scotch bottle. He took a long swig, wincing as the liquid burnt the back of his throat.

Over the next fifteen minutes, Jack consumed the bottle of Scotch, before falling asleep, clutching Ianto's pillow to his chest.


	5. Chapter 5

TBFTGOG Chapter 5

_**I shot a child, I can't just forget it! And it was your fault, Jack! Your fault! Your. Fault! I will never forgive you! Never!**_

Ianto tried to open his eyes. It was difficult to see through his right eye, and it was painful. His right hand came up to grab at the ventilator tube in his mouth, coursing alarms to go off in the room and at the nurses station. Ianto began to panic. His heart rate went up to 140 beats per minute.

The nurse rushed into the room, grabbing Ianto's hand. "No. You can't take it out. Let me."

Ianto relaxed a little, dropping his hand on the covers.

"Try to cough for me."

Ianto coughed. The nurse gently pulled the tube out.

"There, that's better."

"Jack!" was all he managed before his world went black.

The nurse called the doctor. He arrived ten minutes later and examined Ianto. "If his blood oxygen level drops, put a mask on him."

The nurse nodded. The doctor left.

Jack woke in the morning, still holding Ianto's pillow to his chest. His head hurt from all the Scotch he'd drunk the night before. His heart ached for Ianto. Slowly, he got off the bed, stripped and got into the shower, letting hot water wash over him. Getting out, he dried himself and put on fresh clothes. Going up into his office, Jack grabbed his greatcoat, car keys and phone, then headed for the hospital.

After parking the SUV, Jack phoned Owen. "I'm at the hospital. I'll call you when I know anything."

"Great," Owen took a deep breath. "'ow are you, Jack?"

"Hung over," Jack admitted.

"Yeah, tell me about it."

They both laughed.

"Do you want me to call Gwen and Tosh?"

"Yeah, thanks, Owen," he sighed. "I'll call you later."

"Bye, Jack."

Jack hung up and made his way to Ianto's room. He was surprised to see the tube out of Ianto's mouth. He smiled, looking at the young Welshman's angelic face. As he watched, Ianto opened his eyes.

"Jack!"

Jack smiled, taking hold of his hand. Ianto pulled away.

"Why….didn't you….just let me die?"

Jack moved closer. "I couldn't."

"Playing God."

"Ianto….."

Ianto closed his eyes, tears running down into his hair. "I didn't do a very good job….of killing myself, did I?"

Jack sighed.

"Go away, Jack. I don't want you here."

Jack sat on the edge of the bed. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Please! Just go!" Ianto began to sit up. "I don't want you here. Go!"

The nurse came into the room to see what all the shouting was about.

"I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave," she said to Jack.

Jack stood and walked to the door. Ianto had turned his head away, but Jack could see he was crying.

"I'll be back. Count on it," then he left.

Owen called Gwen first and then Tosh. He explained that Jack was at the hospital and that they should carry on as usual.

As usual.

Right.

Like a child hadn't been killed, lying unclaimed in the bowels of Torchwood. That Ianto hadn't tried and failed, to blow his brains out.

Yeah, as usual.

Jack made it back to the Hub just as Tosh appeared with coffee bought from Starbucks.

"Jack, we weren't expecting to see you until later."

"Ianto all but threw me out."

"No!"

"I'll give him time to cool off, then I'm going back."

"Is that wise, Jack?" this from Gwen.

"No, but that won't stop me."

Gwen looked at Owen.

"Maybe you should leave Ianto for a few days," said Owen.

Jack walked up to his office. Closing the door behind him, he sat at his desk. Tears began to roll down his face.

"Oh, Yan."


	6. Chapter 6

TBFTGOG Chapter 6

Ianto was sat up, pillows piled behind him. He still hadn't eaten, so was being given nutrients through the IV in his hand. He looked around the room. No flowers or cards. That was good. The last thing Ianto needed right now was sympathy. Especially from Jack. He was the last person he wanted to see. Or was it?

Ianto leaned back, bringing a hand to the side of his head. He could feel the padding above and below his right ear. Touched the pads attached to the monitor, on his chest.

Why was he being kept alive when that little boy was dead? Stowed away in a freezer. Had he been reported missing? Were parents grieving?

A sharp pain in his head coursed Ianto to take a deep breath.

"Oh."

Closing his eyes, he tried to remember happier times.

'_**I love you, Jack. I tried so hard not to'**_

_**Jack smiled, pulling the younger man into a hug 'I love you, too. **_

Tears filled Ianto's eyes. He tried to blink them away

'_**I fell in love with you that first day, in the park' Jack told Ianto 'I wanted to kiss you so bad'**_

'_**Me, too' admitted Ianto**_

"Jack!"

Tears flowed freely.

Owen made Jack coffee. He went straight in without knocking.

Jack wiped the tears away with the back of his hand.

Owen put the coffee cup on the desk, then sat down.

"Whatever Ianto said, you know 'e didn't mean it. 'e's in a world of hurt right now. You just 'appened to be there."

Jack sat forward, picking up the coffee cup. "I don't know if I can save him, Owen. I love him so much, and I'm loosing him."

"You won't, Jack. He loves you. He's in pain, from killin' the kid."

Jack changed the subject. "Any word on the parents?"

"Not a word." Owen switched positions in the chair. "Short of telling' the police, we won't unless someone comes forward."

Just then, Jack's phone rang.

"Jack!"

"Ianto?"

"I don't want to die. I….I need you….please, Jack."

"I'm on my way, Cariad." Jack hung up the phone.

Owen smiled. "Go, Jack. We're fine. Give 'im our love."

Jack waved his thanks as he left the office and went towards the Information Centre. Once in the SUV, Jack dialled Ianto's number.

"Hello."

"Ianto, it's Jack."

"Jack, I need help. Please, help me." Ianto began to cry.

"It's okay, Yan. I'm on my way, Cariad."

"I want this pain….to stop."

"It will, I promise. Half the battle is admitting you need help."

"I'm sorry…."

"Don't. It's okay."

"I love you."

"I know. I love you, too."

"I just want this pain to go away."

"It will," pause. "I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Okay," Ianto sniffed. "You knew, didn't you?"

"That you were going to try and kill yourself? Yes. Too late, I saw it in your eyes."

"Deep inside, I wanted you to save me."

"Your shaky hand saved you."

Ianto laughed. "Typical."

Jack smiled at hearing Ianto laugh. "I'm gonna hang up now. I'm just in the car park."

"Okay, Cariad." Ianto put his phone on the stand and whispered. "I love you."


	7. Chapter 7

TBFTGOG Chapter 7

Jack moved quickly to Ianto's room. When he got there the door was closed. He couldn't see in, so went to the nurses station the find out what was happening.

"The doctor is examining his head wound," the nurse explained. "He was complaining of a headache a few minutes ago."

Jack thanked her and went to stand outside Ianto's room.

The doctor came out and greeted Jack.

"You may go in now."

Jack nodded his thanks.

Ianto was still sitting up, a mass of fluffy white pillows at his back. When he saw Jack, his face lite up. "Jack!"

Taking Ianto into his arms, Jack kissed the top of his head. "I missed you last night."

"By the smell on your breath, I'm guessing you spent the night with a good bottle of Scotch."

They both laughed, as they parted.

Jack sat on the edge of the bed, holding onto Ianto's hand. "How's your headache?"

"Doc gave me an injection. Nearly gone now."

"I'm sorry if I let you down. The Weevil hunt. I should have listened to you."

Ianto gripped Jack's hand. "No! You were right. I just wanted to get out of the rain."

"He was a casualty, Ianto."

Ianto nodded. "I know."

"You have to get passed it, or it will eat you away from inside."

"I understand that. It's just….hard."

"That's what we're here for. Me, Owen, Gwen, Tosh."

"I expect I gave them a fright. I'm sorry."

"I wish I could take your pain away. I can't. There is no magical cure. You just have to ride it out."

"I guess I'll be making coffee and tidying up for a while."

"A couple of weeks maybe."

Ianto smiled. "I feel better already. Thanks, Jack."

Jack leaned forward, kissing Ianto on the lips. "I love you, never forget that."

"I won't."

"Now, I'm gonna go get some coffee, I want you to rest. I won't you back with me. I hate sleeping alone."

"Maybe you could stay here tonight." Ianto had a twinkle in his good eye.

"Mmm, I don't think the nurse would allow that." Jack smiled.

Ianto settled back and yawned. "Don't stray too far, Jack."

"Never will, Ianto Jones. Never will."


	8. Chapter 8

**Authors Note: I did write The End after chapter 7, but it didn't print. So for those of you who thought there might be more…………. **

TBFTGOG Chapter 8

Ianto was discharged from hospital a week later. The bruising and swelling were all but gone. The doctor told him to come back in three months so they could check the plate in his head. Jack teased him about setting alarms off at the Airport. Ianto frowned, then laughed.

Jack picked him up in the car, not wanting to use the SUV.

"Back to your flat or the Hub?"

Ianto didn't look at Jack. "The Hub." Then he turned clear blue eyes on Jack. It nearly took his breath away. "Let's go home, Jack."

In the days and weeks that followed, Ianto was never alone. He was surrounded by people who really loved him. Even Owen admitted that he had a soft spot for the young Welshman.

"But don't tell 'im that." Owen had said to Jack.

Slowly, life got back to normal.

Slowly, Ianto began to believe in himself again.

The tiny body remained in the freezer. No one reported him missing. Ianto was finally able to put his ghosts behind him and visit the locker where the tiny body was stored. Jack went with him.

"Ready?" asked Jack, unlocking the padlock.

Ianto nodded. "Yes."

Jack slowly opened the locker, revealing it's precious contents.

"He looks so small."

"He was only 7 years old."

"What was he doing that night? Why wasn't he home in bed?"

"I guess we'll never know that for sure, Ianto."

Ianto pushed the door closed and leaned against Jack. "Thank you, for being here with me."

Jack wrapped an arm around his slender waist. "Anytime."

They kissed. Not a passionate kiss, but a gentle, caring kiss.

Ianto looked at his watch. "Do you fancy going out for dinner? My treat."

Jack smiled. "Lead on Mac Duff."

Ianto turned as they were leaving the vast locker area, and smiled. "At least we're caring for him."

"Yes we are." THE END


	9. Chapter 9

TBFTGOG Aftermath

The morning after their dinner date, Ianto was at the firing range. He spent at least an hour down there, with Jack or Gwen over the next few weeks.

Ianto became more and more confident with each passing day. He made target practice a regular addition to his daily chores. Today, Jack watching from a distance. He was no longer worried that Ianto would try and take his own life. The younger man had learnt to live with the fact that he had taken a young life. Ianto was stronger than before. Had lived through it, and survived.

"Nice shooting."

"Thanks. I thought maybe I could….come along on the next Weevil hunt. If that's alright with you." Ianto eyed Jack.

"I don't see why not."

Ianto smiled. "I feel great, Jack. Better than I have done in quite sometime."

"I'm glad. How's your head now?"

"Okay."

"Anymore hospital appointments?"

"Not unless I get any headaches. I'm all clear."

"Glad to hear it." Jack moved to stand in front of Ianto, putting his arms around the younger man's waist. "I thought maybe we could get away this weekend. Go somewhere nice and quiet," he kissed Ianto.

"Mmm, sounds good to me."

"I've cleared it with the others."

"Where did you have in mind?"

"There's this cute little cottage on the edge of the Brecon Beacons."

Ianto's eyes became wide, remembering the cannibals.

Jack noticed and added, "It's not anywhere near that place."

"Good. Makes me shiver just thinking about it."

Jack rubbed his upper arm. "We can leave Friday afternoon. Stay til Sunday evening."

"It'll be nice to get away. I love Cardiff, especially the Bay, but a change will be good."

"Need anything from your flat?"

"I….don't think so. Everything I need is right here," he leaned in for another kiss. "I love you." he whispered, between kisses.

"And I love you."

"Thank you for being so patient and helping me through it. I couldn't have made it without you."

"Yes you could. You're stronger than you think, Cariad.

"I still can't believe that no one reported the little boy missing."

"Maybe they were scared. The child might have been left alone. Then parents were worried about being prosecuted."

Ianto sighed. "I visit him nearly every day. Did you know that?"

Jack nodded.

"There isn't a day goes by that I don't think about him and wonder what his name was."

"You could always give him a name. We could write it on the locker."

"Really?"

Jack nodded.

"Alex. I'd like to call him Alex."

"Alex it is."

"Thanks Jack. It really helps."

"Okay. Let's finish up here and go get the guys something to eat. I'm starved."

Ianto's eyes sparkled.

Jack smiled. "Later, tiger."

The End


End file.
